For the past 179 days since my husband Chip passed away, I…
The Celebration of Chip’s life is today. I struggled with the decision to speak at the celebration about Chip but I defaulted to my comfort zone, writing:
I am a mother now, but I was a wife first. Thank you, Chip, for making me your wife.
I love being a mother, and I love my children. When Amelia and Jack were babies, it was a transition to add mother to being a wife. However, I never lost my persona of being your wife. It was the joy of my life, and our marriage is the foundation of this family.
Being a wife has been one of the best aspects of my life. But now, I will transition this time from being a wife to a mother. But, between us, Chip, I will always be your wife, and you will always be my husband. For the last 35 years that we were together, we always came first to each other. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life.
I have spent the last few weeks in a perpetual rewind of our life together. How much we enjoyed the simple, easy times of being newlyweds and together survived miscarriages and breast cancer challenges. We reaped the benefits of parenthood through middle school concerts, sporting events, and the pride of donning college gear. I loved walking on an early snowy morning, hand-in-hand through Niskayuna with a steamy cup of coffee.
You will be with me forever. I don’t know if I will see you again, I hope so. I really want to believe that, but I don’t know. The thought, however, brings me peace. I wished I could hear your voice one more time. As hard as it was, I am so honored that I laid with you and listened to your heartbeat for the last time as we said goodbye.
You are still here; you are not gone. I see you in Amelia and Jack- the good and the bad! It makes me smile when I see those glimpses of ‘Dad.’ Maybe one day, I will see a new generation of you and me.
My coveted role as your wife will be here in my soul, and I get to fully immerse myself into my mother role. How lucky am I? Now I need to live for Amelia and Jack and do what you would want me to do. But inside, I will cherish all the memories that only a husband and wife will know.
I love you Chip. I always have. My heart is broken, and I will miss you forever. But I have Amelia and Jack to keep our ‘brand’ going. Would you please watch over us, and Miss Tillie too?