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Dear Santa, Love Mom.

This year as empty nesters, the Christmas dynamic is slightly different in our house. Chip and I cut the trees down and decorated the house by ourselves. Throughout this process, I have felt a minor loss and a longing for those old days. So, I decided I would write to Santa and tell him what I wish for Christmas as an empty nest mother of two children living out of eye and ear shot.

Dear Santa,

How are you? I have been a really good mom this year. I have done all my mom things all year long and now I am wishing for some special gifts. Here is what I wish for Christmas this year:

  • I wish my kids would call me more often or better yet, could they please answer me when I text them?
  • Could you help them to understand that I am 100% positive that when they don’t answer me, they are dead on the side of the road, kidnapped, or have fallen in the shower and are unconscious.
  • I need more coffee, stronger coffee, and perhaps a personal Barista to help me deal with request #1 and #2 above.
  • Prosecco, by the case please. Any brand will do.
  • Money, large bills are acceptable. While the University of Alabama is terribly polite when they call to tell me that tuition is due, RIT is not as hospitable. The angst remains until I get the confirmation from both universities with a “Thank you for your payment.”
  • On that note, could you have someone fill out the FAFSA forms for me, pretty please?
  • Maybe as a disinterested third party, you could explain to the kids that for generations the saying, “Not in my house,” or, “This isn’t college” is a way of keeping in the dark and in a happy place oblivious to the sorry events and activities that occur during the school year.
  • Perhaps when they are home for this holiday break, you could get them to put their Dean’s List brains to work and change the empty TP roll, put the dirty dish in the dishwasher, take out Izzy and for the love of all that is right and holy MAKE THEIR BEDS.
  • A small electric shock could zap them when they leave and do not lock the door and close the garage doors. There are crazy people out there. And no, a little shock never hurt anyone, at least no more than a wooden spoon or a flying slipper did in 1972.
  • More hugs and kisses from Amelia and Jack. No explanation needed.
  • Could I have a little more time with them at home and not see so much of the back of their heads as they drive away to see friends?
  • I wish them success in all they do with their lives.
  • I ask for good Orange Bowl weather conditions and good health for the Alabama Crimson Tide in their game against those “Oklahoma people.” (What the heck is a Sooner anyway?) Roll Tide.
  • Please watch over the RIT men’s hockey players. Keep their teeth in their heads, their bones without a break, and the wins coming their way. Go Tigers (and Skates)!

All in all, Santa, life is rather good. I hope you and Mrs. Claus get some much-needed R&R.

Merry Christmas.

Mom

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