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Death And Dying Of A Parent

One of the amazing women in my squad lost her dad on May 3, 2021. She wrote this passage and sent it to me entitled Musings. For some reason, I never drafted the post from her email to me. On June 7th, this past Monday, she lost her mother five weeks to the day.

Her mom had Alzheimer’s and was unable to communicate.  My friend went to her mom after her dad passed away with a picture of her wedding day. She explained that the man in the picture was her Eddie and that he would no longer be visiting her. Soon after that, she was unable to eat, drink, or swallow.  God was merciful, and she left us to be with her true love for all eternity. The 56 years they shared were not enough, and she could not live without him.

That hit me very hard.  So, here is my friend’s open and exposed thoughts in her voice, unedited. Perhaps it will give some of you peace in dealing with a lost loved one, or maybe just something to think upon.

Grief is the price of love.

“Grief is the price of love” was a kindness my mother-in-law paid to me when my dad passed away so suddenly two weeks ago. Eddie was such a big part of my life. We were partners in my mom’s care; we cried together and laughed together. We talked every day, sometimes multiple times.

Since his passing, my daily life has been a bit raw; I’m feeling more vulnerable than usual. Although I’m back to work and my other adult and parenting responsibilities, I’m deliberately conscious of no longer wanting to be a “human doing.” Remaining a fully present human being is where I want to live. Even before my dad’s passing and decade-plus of watching my mother disappear as Alzheimer’s disease takes her from me bit by bit, trivial conversations and material pursuits without meaning had become of little interest to me. In my free time, I would seek out adventures and experiences, many with family and closest friends. I’ve also made new connections and friendships that have become dear to me.

Take comfort

In this photo (no filter), I am lying with my Sweet Jane in her dog bed in my office. When I walked in this morning to start work, I paused and got down on the floor. No makeup on and hair not brushed; I just stopped.

I sat quietly with her, listening to her breathing and mine…

What else have I been missing?

Where can I add value to my life, someone else’s life?

What do I truly need?

What else is no longer serving me?

What do I keep, and what do I let go of?

How do I want to live my life?

Before I got up to work, I snapped a picture to remind me of the moment. And, I’m sharing this post because we have ALL experienced some kind of loss in the last year. Perhaps it was the loss of a loved one like me, or maybe a job or a missed opportunity, or a home, or a friend or a beloved pet.

Life is meant to be lived. Today matters. This moment matters. Being kind matters. Seeing each other matters. Loving and listening matter. Being there for each other matters: learning and growing matter.

I’m here now. You’re here now. xoxo

Dealing with death of a parent

 

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing her words, Karen. I can’t imagine what she’s going through losing both parents so close, but I do know how loss feels. I remember after my nephew died at 16 how I felt so empty for a long time. I had no patience for deadlines or small talk. Just breathing was enough. Being with good friends was a life saver, but I could not do big groups. The friends who were just there with me, without expectations, were the best. I hope she feels the love coming from all of us at this sad time.

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