For the past 179 days since my husband Chip passed away, I…
It happens to us all every now and then. The mind is overworked and simply cannot rest. Tonight is one of those nights for me. I went upstairs early and hung out with Jack eating popcorn and talking about the day. Jack is a wonderful kid and is teaching himself Chinese. He has asked me for Rosetta Stone Chinese instructions for his birthday. Last year it was Russian! Please don’t tell my mother we ate popcorn in bed. She does not have a computer so most likely she won’t see this!
Jack turned in and left me with my thoughts. Guilt about the oatmeal cookie I ate at lunch; worry about getting Syracuse basketball tickets I am trying to get for the kids for Christmas; wondering, did I plug my cell phone in? and finally, should I get up and take that Spinning class at 5:30 am…it’s 11:55 now. So I slide out from underneath my sleeping husband’s arm and tiptoe past the kids along with a content little pug snoring soundly. Downstairs, I pour myself a glass of Prosecco and flick the switch on that dreadful gas fireplace and settled in with my thoughts.
I wake most days at 4:40am. Today was no exception. I had a meeting in my home office in White Plains and spent the day holed-up in the conference room with my peers for about 6 1/2 hours. We accomplished a great deal but it is still tiring. The rain was so blinding on the way home, it made for one of those drives when you cannot wait to get out of the car. There were a few times were I actually patted the dashboard and thanked Fredrick, my husband’s Audi S4, for taking such good care of me on those very wet and dark roads.
The Prosecco is soothing my restlessness and I turned to the television for a moment. Halloween is on one of the cable channels. Last night, Amelia and I watched it and I actually checked the backseat this morning before driving off. Flick that channel, my mind is racing faster than Jimmie Johnson can drive that Lowe’s Chevy. We need calm right now, not scared.
I look around my family room and see the remnants of this evenings events: a post-homework blanket tossed on the floor, Izzy’s collar and harness on the sofa before she was carried upstairs, a Time Magazine with the pages obviously worn from reading along with Chip’s eyeglasses nearby. The lunches are almost ready to go and the coffee pot still needs to be set.
The scattered lamps in the house that are set with timers are beginning to go off. I must have 30 night lights in the house and they illuminate my way through the rooms as I check the doors and prepare to go back to bed. David Letterman is on, my Prosecco is almost gone and that God awful gas fireplace has heated the room, admit-tingly quite well.
My restlessness has affected this post and I find it is written somewhat disjointed and I have almost scrapped it twice. I sit here twisting my hair and replaying the Pitbull songs in my head from the ride home. ( I love Pitbull…shhh..don’t tell.) I am having difficulty getting the thoughts out of my head to share with you. That does not usually happen. I am debating whether I should sneak over to the freezer and snarf one of those Mallo Cups before going back to bed. That may help but I am not sure how that will pair with Prosecco. I decide against it and instead lay out what I will need for that Spinning class now less than 5 hours from now.
Goodnight, sleep tight and dream whatever dreams you dream. After I think about my family and friends, my dreams usually include an image of what I think Christian Grey will look like, random thoughts of decadent forbidden treats and how I will best get my J-Lo moves on for Zumba this week…..along with a quick prayer or two………